The MiniGanze

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The MiniGanze

The MiniGanze is a rare, elusive creature whose main habitat is the rural streets of the West Island in Quebec, Canada. It can often be spotted in cool, dark rooms such as basements, and prefers cold weather to warm. In fact, the MiniGanze loathes warm climates so much that it will hibernate for much of the summer, waking only to write and feed its pet, which is usually a small dog or a cat.
This creature is naturally very shy and will avoid most humans like the plague until it is certain that they are not a threat. This may take several months or it may take only a week, depending on how often the MiniGanze is exposed to the person.
It is attracted to enclosed dark, cold spaces, music players, new ear buds still in packaging, and computer screens with empty Word documents. To capture a MiniGanze, you must set up a dark room with two to four small windows, a comfortable place to sleep or sit, between twenty and two hundred books of all types (encyclopedias and fantasy novels are the most successful thus far), a computer (HP laptops seem to be a preference with most MiniGanzes) with its charger and Internet access and a new Word document open on the desktop, snack foods such as chips and crackers, soft drinks such as Root Beer and Pepsi, candy such as Rockets or chocolate, and so many pillows and blankets you fear the creature may drown while swathed in softness. It will use these to make its nest. Adding a desk and comfortable chair will heighten your chances at attracting a MiniGanze. Privacy is a must, so the room should be relatively unfrequented - occasional visits are fine, but do not linger more than an hour or so each day or the MiniGanze will be put off by the scent of humans or the changes to its habitat - and have a door with a lock. It is suggested you keep a key to the lock, as the MiniGanze may not hear you knock.
An important thing to remember with the MiniGanze is that once it is situated comfortably, any changes to its chosen lair will be immediately reversed, no matter how superficial. The MiniGanze will defend what it considers to be "its territory" with ferocious verbal assaults and dirty looks that rival those of history's worst villains, both fictitious and factitious, and the occasionally missing article may occur. Pants are usually found in the backyard while socks linger behind toilets and shirts are stashed under sinks, usually in the kitchen. Undergarments may never be found, as their hiding places vary, but a look in the closet of the guest room or under the couch of the living room may prove fruitful. Please note that it is a good idea to wash clothing articles after they are found before donning them.
The MiniGanze is between 120 and 170 lbs, depending on its food consumption, and heights vary from five feet to five feet and four inches. Hair is either blonde, brown, or any mixture of the two, and is sometimes died partially red for decorative purposes. The preferred style of coverings for the MiniGanze is usually shorts and t-shirts, as it hates to overheat, but may also wear a baggy sweater for comfort purposes. It is always barefoot until it steps foot outside, at which point it may wear running shoes or boots, depending on the season. Keep a healthy supply of Q-tips on hand, as the MiniGanze will automatically reach for them to clean the keyboard of whatever computer was sacrificed to it. Also, it is a good idea to buy soft drinks every week, as it consumes 1 to 4 cans per day.
With proper care and lots of privacy, the MiniGanze will prove to be a valuable companion. It will listen to complaints and sob stories without a cross word and will fiercely defend you in social situations. It will even suffer debilitating sleep-loss to keep your combined habitats clean and organized. A slight amount of obsession on cleanliness is common, as is occasional bouts of unbelievable laziness during which it will wish only to rest in its nest. Overall, the MiniGanze is difficult to understand and care for, but it is a life-long companion and will be forever loyal when its trust is earned.

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    (via bennyscrotch)

    Posted on February 22, 2012 via with 195,259 notes

    Source: fatpeoplemakemehappy

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